Five Minute Friday - Share

 

 



That's today's prompt.  I'm supposed to write without editing, whatever comes to mind, for five minutes.

But I don't want to share.

Everything hurts and each hurt is so private, so personal, and so ultimately meaningless.  In such a very short period of time, the perfect life I worked so hard for, planned and saved and fought and attained, is ashes. 

The mixed bag of loved ones who were beating all the odds... I don't know if those people ever existed outside of my head.

Maybe I was just seeing what I wanted to see.

Rose-colored glasses that I lost somewhere between dinner and dishes.

Dancing in the kitchen to music in our heads turned into cold and silence and absence, even though you are right there.

Right there.

Wanting a goodbye kiss from someone who no longer wants to bestow one is just more than I can handle today.  So desperately do I not want to want it that I throw away this morning's chance.  A preemptive strike, I fling it far from me and I walk away and I don't look back.  A small rebellion against my role as the one left behind.

And cry til lunch because what if it was the last one.

Knowing the last one came and went while I was dancing in the kitchen, blind in my glasses, admiring my rose-colored world.

unaltered photo courtesy of Dylan Porteus, some rights reserved

By 8:45 a.m. yesterday, I had received two hugs from sweet friends, one of whom also brought me a surprise bag of beautiful mercerized cotton (in a shiny white and a shiny navy - yum!), and someone else brought me a really nice teeny silver ink pen (because I have an absolute pen fetish).  Pretty cool start to a Wednesday.

The afternoon break brought a muskrat the size of our Boston Terrier waddling across the green two feet in front of me.  THAT was cool.

The trip to Jack Rabbits (for Nikki to attend her friend Tyler's band's first ever performance) went OK, but the trip back was a nightmare.  Why can't Jax do road construction like the rest of the US?  And why is our stretch of 95 so completely jacked up?  I'm pretty sure it's Rick Scott's fault somehow.

Wikimedia

Just so I don't lose them: http://www.american-buddha.com/wikipedia.toc.htm http://wikipediocracy.com/

Five Minute Friday - Care

Photo courtesy of nuruzzaman babu, some rights reserved.

There is an old Irish proverb, “Don’t be breaking your shin on a stool that’s not in your way.”  I have an old habit of doing just that, and it makes for an unhappy life.

I’m working on it though.  Learning to care responsibly.

I don’t mean hardening my heart to the plight of others, stopping my involvement in worthy causes.  I mean not allowing the pettiness of others to dictate my day.  I was in a pretty bad mood for a couple of years because I let everyone I met affect me.  The cashier who was rude.  The driver who cut me off.  The kids who insist on walking in the middle of the street.

The bus in front of me that won’t go any faster, and the guy who won’t get off my bumper.

The waiter who got my order wrong, and the receptionist who wears that awful cologne.

I cared, alright.  I cared the wrong way about the wrong things, and in all the caring I had misplaced my smile.  Lost my peace.  Nearly lost my mind and my better half.  The question still rings with bell-like clarity, “Why are you always mad?”  She meant angry, but I was really headed for madness.  The world was driving me crazy, and I looked at myself and saw my mother.  I’ve never met anyone angrier, and I’ve never met anyone I wished less to emulate.

It was a wake-up call.

I was going to have to stage my own intervention.

…don’t be breaking your shin…

Finding my smile has involved a deliberate shift in perception.  I can see the stool and not trip over it.  I can be the observer, not the receiver - although when I squint it might look like I'm the target.  The trick is to stop squinting.  The rudeness, the lack of civility, the impoliteness don't have to hurt me, because it’s not about me.  It doesn’t have to climb in my pocket and walk around with me all day, and it sure doesn’t have to hurt the people I do care about.

…on a stool that’s not in your way…

When I get home and put my fuzzy slippers on, the tailgater is nowhere around.  When I leave the store, the cashier is not coming with me.  And maybe if I hadn’t been so angry at the tailgater, I would’ve smiled at the cashier…maybe surprised her into smiling back.

I could’ve pushed that stool out of someone else’s way.

#FMF

Five Minute Friday - New

Photo courtesy of Jez Elliot, some rights reserved.

It’s an old house, but it’s ours now.  Waking in my old bed to a new view, this garden full of old growth.  Azaleas taller than I am, but we came in July and the blooms won’t come until February.  I wonder what color they will be, and I look forward to February for the first time ever.

Two new bird feeders hang on the two old hooks that were already in the trees, and the old birdbath is clean and full of fresh water.  Now there are new visitors to marvel over.  A mated pair of chirping cardinals, a troop of warbling gnatcatchers, and the nearly silent tiny brown birds that scratch the ground around the starflowers.

I wonder if they are old visitors, glad someone new has come.

The garden is green, but I can name many of the plants and know they will flower.  Cannas, azalea, lantana, king's mantle, trumpet.  A dogwood that made me cry when I recognized the leaves.  A fruiting orange tree.  A garden made for butterflies and hummers, made for spring.  A gift from the people before, more precious than anyone can know, except the lady who planted them.  She knows.

I have planted new ones, pentas and passion flower vine, to host caterpillars for the butterflies that are frequent visitors and to fill in this long flowerless green spell.

I saw the first hummingbird last weekend, unexpected without blooms to draw them.

Maybe he remembers when the flowers were there.

Maybe he heard someone new had come…someone who filled the bath and the feeders, who was already digging in the soil, and putting down new roots.

Maybe he’d like a new friend.

#FMF

Five Minute Friday : Hold

Photo courtesy of Robert S. Donovan, some rights reserved.

Wait for it…hold on another minute hour day week.  Year.  Hold on and hold this and hold please while you wait and wait and.  Hold on.

Hold in.

Swing higher, and don't let go.  Hold tighter and don't look down.

And here, hold this while I do this do that do something else entirely.

Because I cannot do this and hold this.  I cannot do that and hold on.  I cannot be that and hold the reins.  I cannot be me and hold onto everything else.  And you.

So.

I hold

my breath

and jump

fly

free

I hold you always in my heart, but I open my hands and let go.

Those who can't, edit.

Writer.

That's where I thought I was headed.  "She's such a good writer!"  But.

I'm crippled by perfectionism.

Commas and prepositions and adverbs like weeds.

Profound while I'm writing it, and transformed in the reading to chaff.  Too many words, always.  Edit and edit and edit, until the profundity is dead and I'm unrecognizable.  Edit until it's not what I was saying at all.

Self doubt.

Editor.

Because I don't know how to stop.

Now it's part of my job, and I can't help but wonder at the wonder of it all.  'She's an amazing proof reader!"

As if it isn't my failing.

#FMFParty

Photo courtesy of Joel Kramer.

Giveaway at Whimsy Couture Sewing Blog

http://whimsycoutureboutique.blogspot.com/2013/01/giveaway-6-pack-aivilo-charlotte.html?showComment=1357568739144#c8831261432605946554

Check it out and enter to win!

Today is My Birthday

This usually doesn't go well.  But today...

I'm at work already, and it's been pretty frigging amazing so far.

Slept a few minutes late (which usually spells disaster), but somehow showered in record time.  Dressed in my cool-ass pinstripe pants with the dangly double-chain on the hip, and my fuschia shirt...silver jewelry.  I don't usually bother with this crap, but it only took a minute and I feel good.  I start my prednisone today (30 days, and I'll be a psycho by the end, and probably fat to boot), so I want to wear them while I can.

Got out of the house one minute later than goal, held up by the 3-year-old grandbabygirl who came running out, tousled and blinking and still mostly asleep because she just HAD to wish Granny a happy birthday before she left.

Hugs and sleepy kisses and I love yous later, traffic is heavier than it's been in forever (today is the second day of the school year) but still speed limit, thank goodness.  I needed to cross two lanes ...both lanes were empty.  Cars everywhere, but not right here.

Every light was green.  Literally.  I did not stop at a single red light, not even the one at the bottom of the expressway where I have to turn left and that's a lookie-lookie-lemon-cookie if there ever was one.  Dropped my girl off at work, and watched an almost-accident in front of me get magically averted without slowing anything down. Still no reds.

Made it to work in record time, and got a call from my 5-year-old grandbabygirl, awake this early because today is her second day of kindergarten.  She wanted to wish me a happy birthday, and  I got another from my daughter before we hung up.

Snagged my regular parking spot (irregular, recently) and made it to my Box without encountering anyone.  The first person who came to see me was my Mami, Mrs H who brought me a hug and a cookie and wished me a happy birthday.  Then an IM happy birthday from Mr K who I love, and then Mrs L who I also love came to the Box with a beautiful native american/tribal card and a breakfast bar and a hug.

The only people I've seen today are people I love and who love me.

I'm stoked about this new CFCI - the Conflict-Free Campus Initiative.  There is an anti-genocide movement, did you know?  I think our kids might change the world.  STAND, the student-led division of United to End Genocide can give you more info.

I've been wanting slow-striping yarn and a rotary cutter and perle cotton and the new Bernat Handicrafter cotton and I wanted it all in glorious colors, so my girl took me to JoAnn's Monday night to take pictures of my wish list, and the kids went and bought it all.  That idea was tops!

And there's my friend G blinking in the toolbar.  :)  So I'll end this and go say hi.

Whatever the rest of the day holds, this morning was beautiful in every way, and I am grateful.

Sweat Stain Solutions from Reader's Digest

• From Reader's Digest:
• 
  
• Home and Garden

7 Solutions for Removing Sweat Stains

from Extraordinary Uses for Ordinary Things

Ammonia

Rub out perspiration, blood, and urine stains on clothing by dabbing the area with a half-strength solution of ammonia and water before laundering.

See more uses for Ammonia.

Aspirin

Before you give up all hope of ever getting that perspiration stain out of your good white dress shirt, try this: Crush two aspirins and mix the powder in 1/2 cup warm water. Soak the stained part of the garment in the solution for two to three hours.

See more uses for Aspirin.

Baking Soda

Pretreating clothes with a paste made from 4 tablespoons baking soda and 1/4 cup warm water can help vanquish a variety of stains. For example, rub it into shirts to remove perspiration stains; for really bad stains, let the paste dry for about two hours before washing. Rub out tar stains by applying the paste and washing in plain baking soda. For collar stains, rub in the paste and add a bit of vinegar as you’re putting the shirt in the wash.

See more uses for Baking Soda.

Lemons

Avoid expensive dry-cleaning bills. You can remove unsightly underarm stains from shirts and blouses simply by scrubbing them with a mixture of equal parts lemon juice (or white vinegar) and water.

See more uses for Lemons.

Meat Tenderizer

Tenderize away hard-to-remove perspiration stains. Before you wash that sweat-stained sweatshirt (or any other perspiration-stained garment) dampen the stain and then sprinkle some meat tenderizer on it. Then just wash as usual

See more uses for Meat Tenderizer.

Salt

Salt’s the secret to getting rid of those stubborn yellow perspiration stains on shirts. Dissolve 4 tablespoons salt in 1 quart (1 liter) hot water. Just sponge the garment with the solution until the stain disappears.

See more uses for Salt.

Vinegar

Want to see those sweat marks disappear from shirts and other garments? Just pour a bit of vinegar directly onto the stain, and rub it into the fabric before placing the item in the wash. You can also remove deodorant stains from your washable shirts and blouses by gently rubbing the spot with undiluted vinegar before laundering.

See more uses for Vinegar.

http://www.greenamerica.org/programs/fairtrade/MovieScreening.cfm

edit: After contacting Hershey's, it looks like they have made huge steps to correct their gross oversight.

http://www.greenamerica.org/programs/fairtrade/MovieScreening.cfm

THE DARK SIDE OF CHOCOLATE

Is there blood in your chocolate?

http://www.johnrobbins.info/blog/is-there-child-slavery-in-your-chocolate/
http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/restaurants/article-850481-its-enough-to-make-you-sick.do
http://www.greenamerica.org/PDF/HersheyReport.pdf

Sharon Parsons

Just so I don't lose this.  This lady is hilarious!

Fav post so far? http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2059589/Christmas-gift-ideas-A-crocheted-apple-cosy-Just-I-wanted.html

Such sensitive comments from the crafters.  I'm a crocheter, but I'm also the granddaughter of a crocheter and I know what it is to receive bizarre gifts.  LOL

Win Yarn

Win yarn!!

Enter (up to three times) here.

All Free Crochet
Even if you don't win yarn, check out all the free patterns!!!

Jeff Grabert, Photographer

You have been missing out.

Click the link, and be amazed at the world around you.

Zach Wahls Speaks About Family

Head Huggers - patterns for charity chemo caps

Knit, crochet and fabric patterns for chemo caps to make for charity. The lady who owns this website is a saint. Consider a small donation to her to keep Head Huggers going.

http://www.headhuggers.org/patterns/patterns.htm

Knitting in the Round - The Jogless Stripe

How to knit stripes in the round without the "jog" at the color change.

http://www.knitting-and.com/knitting/tips/jogless.htm

The Most AMAZING video on the internet #Egypt #jan25

Hollis Chatelain

I love all things fiber, and this website has the most incredible fiber art I've ever seen. Thread Painted Quilts - and the subjects are so very very dear to me. Look...

http://www.hollisart.com/

Holidays

I wish I'd taken pics to post here. I made homemade Challah bread, banana nut bread, carrot cake, wedding cookies, mocha wedding cookies, peanut butter truffles, dark chocolate espresso truffles, rum truffles (which I have yet to roll and dip), lemon shortbread cookies, and I crocheted a basket...on which I still have to finish the trim. I also reverse-engineered a creamy key lime sauce for my asparagus...proud of that one especially because I've never tried the key lime sauce in question. I made Alton Brown's recipe 40 Cloves and a Chicken, cooked in my new cast iron Dutch oven. Incredible!