Friday, January 23, 2015

Five Minute Friday - Share 


That's today's prompt.  I'm supposed to write without editing, whatever comes to mind, for five minutes.

But I don't want to share.

Everything hurts and each hurt is so private, so personal, and so ultimately meaningless.  In such a very short period of time, the perfect life I worked so hard for, planned and saved and fought and attained, is ashes. 

The mixed bag of loved ones who were beating all the odds... I don't know if those people ever existed outside of my head.

Maybe I was just seeing what I wanted to see.

Rose-colored glasses that I lost somewhere between dinner and dishes.

Dancing in the kitchen to music in our heads turned into cold and silence and absence, even though you are right there.

Right there.

Wanting a goodbye kiss from someone who no longer wants to bestow one is just more than I can handle today.  So desperately do I not want to want it that I throw away this morning's chance.  A preemptive strike, I fling it far from me and I walk away and I don't look back.  A small rebellion against my role as the one left behind.

And cry til lunch because what if it was the last one.

Knowing the last one came and went while I was dancing in the kitchen, blind in my glasses, admiring my rose-colored world.

unaltered photo courtesy of Dylan Porteus, some rights reserved


  1. You're right! Who wants to share the pain of life on a big open place like the internet?! My hope is that you do find someone within your close surroundings who is a safe person to share your heart with who cares and will listen. Healing begins when we say it out loud to someone like that. It helps us take off the rose colored glasses and process loss.

    Sending a hug and prayer your way!

    Tammy ~@~

  2. Oh you, I feel for you. Hoping you do have someone close that you can share your thoughts/hurt with (it doesn't do to hurt yourself with it all, bottling it all in). [A FMF friend]

  3. when i read posts like yours and see how well you describe your pain and loss so colorfully, i am embarassed that i put up my post. but i did. it is an offering. it isn't much compared to yours. but i have lived long enough to stop comparing.

    you have a gift. you are an artist. i am sad to read of your pain. i understand the fear of sharing. i may not have been hurt in the ways you have been, but i still understand fear of being hurt by sharing my heart.

    blessings girl as you work out this pain. i don't know who you are or what you look like. it doesn't matter except that i hate not being able to look into your eyes and talk to you. i hope you have that kind of friend who is there when the rose colored glasses come off.

  4. Interesting post!! Thanks for sharing!
    Lets follow eachother on GFC. let me know if it is yes. Leave a comment about following and then I will come back immediately and follow you.

    Have a great week!